I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
