He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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