I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
