I'm drive I can fine osifer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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