Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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