I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
