So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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