if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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