apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
