i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
