either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
