Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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