So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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