I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
