literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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