only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
