lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
