he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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