yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
