i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
