I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
