So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
