my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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