No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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