He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
