the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize