the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
