My hand turned me down
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
