You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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