he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
