Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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