There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize