I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
