i think my mom watched the whole time
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
