Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
