i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so let's talk penis.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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