It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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