I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
