why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
