Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
