Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
