Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
