I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
