if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
