Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize