I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
