so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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