Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
