She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
this is an emotional support booty call
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize