I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
