Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
