And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
