Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
