"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
