id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
