It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
