I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
