Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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