Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
