Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
