somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
