Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Vodka?
Forever.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
