I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
