Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
