So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
