last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
soo... how was my night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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