First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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