Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
