So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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