She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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