I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
