all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
