i wish my penis had a tongue
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
