If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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