put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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