She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
