I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
