He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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