Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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