Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
