Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize