Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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