the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I intend to get homeless drunk
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I party with great urgency now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
