She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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