Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
