i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
