guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
