Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
