I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
