good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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