I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
