life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
