Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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