it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
