you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
