You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
