can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
