he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Found the puke drawer
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
