as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Boobs are out for the taking
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
