Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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