i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The air was thick with penises
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
