There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
