She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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