If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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