Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
