Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
