No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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