what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
