i would punch a child for taco bell
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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