Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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